Jon “Word Ninja” Heffley

Fighting Style
“Manji” Ninja Arts
Blood Type
Cereal, Tears for Fears
Sneaker Collecting
Conceived in a travelling carnival, Jon developed a soft-spot to the zany Vaudeville humor of the side shows that his parents watched mid-coitus. His life was changed when, as an infant, he was dropped on that soft-spot and damaged his medulla oblongata. The accident caused bitterness, resentment of authority, and mild retardation. He was dropped off at the very same perennial carnival a year later with a note attached reading, “His name is Jon and he likes cereal and Tears for Fears.” The carnies grew to despise him, and he set up a side-show where he ate CheeriosTM¬†with his feat to the song Shout. He grew up strong and cholesterol-free, and used his talents as a novel conversation starter. He met a rag-tag group of improvisationalists that took him in, because they didn’t turn anyone away. Anyone! They trained him to make things up and pronounce “improvisationalist,” and he was an immediate mediocre performer. His carnival influence can still be seen in his scenes that involve elephants and never go anywhere. Oh, and he learned to fight in a comic book store or something.

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